On this last day of the year, instead of hubbing over what went wrong, I'll summarised what I have learnt:
Almost a whole year of unemployment. A totally new experience for me. Went relief teaching for the first half of the year while finishing up my Masters programme. Really enjoy relief teaching as there's no responsibility. During the period there, I've learnt that a good school is very important. Because, parents, no matter what, will not be as influential as frens. Nobody can change another person unless they themselves want to change. And lastly, there's no point studying hard only at the last minute. I've seen my NA girls coming to me at the last minute and in the end can't get the results they wanted.
The feeling of working for oneself is really great. Unlike those days when we work for others, in which no matter what we do, we get the same pay every month. But now, the amount of effort we put in can be seen almost instantaneously. I've learnt that one must always look at the positive side. And most importantly, to learn from mistakes. To look for another route of survival when one route closes.
My value of money and food also changes. The me that used to eat at restaurants almost everyday is gone. And what u get now is someone who even think that $2 for a meal is expensive and can skip meals to save up that money to be put into business.
It seems that as we grow up, our expectation of things changes. Expectation shaped by reality. We tend to be more idealistic when young. And as we grow up, the harsh reality steps in. And then later do we modify the expectation when we can't get it. And in the end, after many years, we look back and find that our expectation now and that of the past is actually way way different.
Something is just not right. I dunno what it is. I just feel something is missing..
We are angels of someone else. And someone else are angels to us...
Peace within chaos, chaos within peace. Stillness within motion, motion within stillness. Attack to defend, defend to attack. I move, I stop, I begin, I end.
There's no mystery of the universe. It's only the mystery of our own mind that we have yet to understand.
Other people as external, not us. Other organ as external, not the organ in question. Other tissues as external, not the tissue in particular. Other cells as foreign. So are we the cell, the tissue, the organ or the people? The same way, are we the people, the country, the earth, the universe?
We fear of the unknown. We fear of what we cannot see. How often have we been so fearful that we are paralysed by it?
I believe in goodness of mankind, although it's unrealistic. In society, this kind of people will be taken advantaged of. But I believe in karma too. Something up there will take care of them. Isn't it too tiring to beware of every person that u meet?
Have you ever wondered what u lived for? Is living for u just earning money, having a family, having kids, and in the end losing everything when u die?
Animals lived to eat. What do u lived for?
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually who are you not to be? Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Adrian Gilpin / Marianne Wilson
Negativity creeps in.. Feeling drained, confused etc etc...
Drained... I try to sleep as much. To recover my energy, but it doesn't seem to help. And my neck still aches.. Already aching for a few months..
Confused... Well, the battle between conscious and sub conscious. The usual thing.. The same old thing..
Morning was kinda great, cos I found the motivation of working for yourself. It feels great helping others in my job, especially when they are desperate. Which means that it's easier to close the deal... I just need 2 deals per month...
Evening, feeling bored. Can't get anyone out. So in the end ended up writing this blog. Haha.. Well, tomorrow will be a better day!!
There's no right and wrong, just a difference in viewpoint...
Seems like in this chapter of my life, most of the things are different. The casts in this chapters, the scenario, the focus, the lifestyle are all so different.
Let's talk about the cast.. All those characters that were quite dominant in the previous chapter are all gone. A new set of characters enter my life now, although there's some evergreen characters. The scenario.. different. The previous chapter is the school scenario, but now different. Focus also changed. My focus in the previous chapter is to get into commercial piloting, and now is to make money. Lifestyle.. Study and teaching in the previous chapter... now working..
