Another Beginning of the Whiteaura

Long long ago, in a small little town of Townsville, there live a boy. Boy is a shepard and leads a simple life. Every morning he would bring his herd of sheeps to the field and leads them back home in the afternoon.

One day, after doing his usual stuff, he was feeling stress and went to town for a walk. He just felt the need to destress. While walking along the busy street of Townsville, he saw a crystal shop and went in. Inside the shop, the atmosphere is totally different. He could feel peacefulness and the serenity once in the shop.

He was greeting by Girl, a sweet little shop assistant working in the shop.Boy began to frequent the shop and not long after, he became a regular patron of the shop. He would visit the shop whenever he is free. To him, he just wanted to take a look at this sweet little girl. One day, while Boy was in the shop, he walked up to the counter and strike a conversation with Girl. It's just a small step, but it is this small step that leads to the start of an everlasting love.....

As days passed, Boy and Girl got closer and closer. Everything just work out perfectly for them. Everything was just in place for them. For Boy, he had never had such a strong feelings for anyone before. He knew that this is the one.

One day, Boy had to run an errand to the town of Aumile. He knew he will miss Girl very much, but he cannot reject the trip to Aumile. During the 3 weeks in Aumile, he missed girl very much. Boy and Girl would write letters to each other very frequently. And each and every day, Boy would wait patiently for Girl's letter.One day, while still in the town of Aumile, Boy wrote a letter to Girl. In the letter, he expressed his feelings for her and asked her to be his girlfriend. Although both of them got to know each other not long ago, he felt that once the feeling is there, it's there. He is afraid to miss the right timing. He is afraid that the painful history that he had will repeat again. He is just afraid of everything. Or perhaps he is just afraid to lose Girl....

He waited nervously by the postbox for Girl's reply. And one fateful day, the letter came. Boy opened the letter nervously and read the letter. In the letter, Girl admitted that she has feelings for Boy too, but she felt that it is just too fast for both of them. In a way to Boy, he was rejected, but the assurance of Girl's feeling for him keep him going.

Boy came back to Townsville soon after and went out with Girl everyday. However, a week later, Boy had to run another errand to the town of Taisk, this time of 2 weeks. While in Taisk, both of them still keep in contact through letters. The same thing for Boy, he would wait patiently for Girl's letter. Sometimes, he would wait beside the postbox for Girl's letter.

Two weeks passed by in the blink of an eye and Boy is back to Townsville. The same goes on between him and Girl. He went out with Girl everyday. Sometimes he would wait for her in the shop and then go out together after closing the shop.

They spent the Christmas eve together. It's the first countdown Boy had with her. They had a nice dinner before going to watch a show. And they countdown to Christmas day together.

A few days later, Girl goes on holiday to the neighbouring town with her family. Going for a few days and spending the new year day with her family in the neighbouring town. And Boy really misses her a lot.

Boy always wanted to ask Girl that question again, but he is afraid of adding more pressure to her. To him, that's the last thing he would ever do. He don't want to add on to her burden. He only wanted to help her and be with her in her journey in life. Furthermore, he had promised her to let her take her time to think about the matter. He felt helpless at times, especially when some situation arises, even more when he felt what he wants and his promise to her conflict.

Boy do not know when he'll ask that question again. The question for Girl to be his girlfriend. He do not want to add on more pressure to Girl, because he loves her so much. He's afraid that the question will make her stress. Perhaps one day when Girl felt ready for him, all she has to do is just to hold his hand. And he's waiting..... Still waiting for the day to come....

One day, something happen to Girl's family and Girl is very upset about it. Boy, upon knowing it, put down everything and rush off to Girl's house. However, Girl was so upset to see anyone. Boy patiently waited outside her house for her for about 3 hours, till she is alright. Boy really worries for Girl and hope to be with her and give her support when she's feeling down. He just wants to walk beside her and give her encouragement and support whenever she needs it. Perhaps to him, she's his everything....

Things aren't always good. Because of a unintentional joke, Girl was angry with Boy and ignored him for 6 days. To Boy, he do not know what is so great that could affect the relationship. He is clueless to everything and he only knows that Girl is angry with him. Girl turns off all modes of communication. And when she finally turn on the phone, Boy was so happy. However, things started to go downhill after that day. Girl became more short tempered and began to throw tantrum at Boy. Boy felt that she was treating him like a pest. For all the love that Boy put in, this is the kind of treatment Girl repaid him. Girl ignored all of Boy's sms. But in front of her, Boy had to pretend as if he was ok. Deep inside him, he's actually crying. He dun understand why an unintentional joke is so great to destroy a few months of relationship. Is the relationship that fragile? For all the things that Boy had done for her, is it meant nothing? And all the things that Girl done for Boy, dun she treasure them?

Perhaps both of them have reached a stage whereby in their heart, they already considered each other as their stead, but they are not "officially" a couple. Perhaps they have given each other the standards that they set for bf/gf.

Boy felt that Girl did not cherish the memories they had. Because from his logical mind, he cannot understand why if she really treasure the memories, she treated him like that over an unintentional joke. If one side dun cherish, no matter what he do, he's wasting his effort. Perhaps for Boy, he'll only continue putting in in the relationship if girl can prove that she really cherish the months of good times that they had. Yes, Girl once confess her feelings to him, but if this is the way she loves him, he rather that he dun want.

Boy had not written any letter to Girl for a few days. And Girl did not write letter to him either. Maybe Girl wants to give up on the relationship. Maybe all these things that they had done for each other dun mean anything to her. Maybe they just dun understand each other.

Maybe, there's no maybe...

Girl's last few words to Boy is that they're from different world. Boy just can't accept the reason. Maybe to him, things are just too nice for him and when Girl suddenly withdrew from him without any reasons told to him, he felt panic and at a loss. The more he tried to salvage the situation worst it got....

Eight months past, and Boy is still standing in the same place. Everyone around him had moved on, except him. What about Girl? Perhaps she has a new love... Perhaps she found a new life...

The story ended just like that. No head no tail... Well, this may not be the classical kind of "And they live happily ever after" fairy tale. Maybe both of them are together now? Or maybe they are happily doing each's own things. Or maybe they're still struggling to let go. There's no right and wrong, just different way of handling things. Both must learn how to handle the relationship. God bless them.

posted by Whiteaura II @ 12:07 PM 1 Comments

Why do we do some things that we dun even know we'll do without anyone teaching? Why do babies cry the moment they come out? Why dun they laugh when they come out? And why they know that they must cry when they need attention? Why do they laugh when they are happy? Is there anyone inside the womb to tell them that they must cry when they are hungry? Or is it in the genes? Is it the subconscious?

If I say we choose our own feelings, how many will agree? We choose to feel sad, feel happy, feel angry etc. One may say, "What?! U mean I chose to be sad? Choose to be my own victim?! U think I'm nuts?!" Perhaps consciously we do not want to be sad, but the subconscious works in such a way as to make us feel sad at times, even if there's nothing wrong. It'll purposely remind u of some things and to dig up ur feelings for it or let u do something to make u feel sad or angry etc.

I remember one of my frens saying that sometimes when she and her bf did not quarrel for a long time, she'll purposely find some fault with him to start a quarrel. She just can't control it. She knows it's her fault but she can't control it.

There must always be a balance in everything. When everything is going well, the subconscious steps in to create some obstacles. When there's happiness, there'll be sadness. It's only when u have happiness that u have sadness. Well, true.. If u never experience happiness before, how do u know what is sadness?

In a macro sense, if things are going very smoothly since ages, with no problems and everyone living happily and satisfied with everything, we'll be still living in caves, and hunting for food everyday.

posted by Whiteaura II @ 2:07 AM 0 Comments

Imagine one day u got lost in the forest. You have not drunk water for a few days and are very thristy and on the bleak of death. Then you saw a pond. However, there is a signage at the side of the pond stating that the water is poisonous.

Will you drink the water?

Another scenario:

You are fighting a war and have been in the jungle for 4 to 5 month. Which is to say for 4 to 5 month, you have not gone home and see your parents, ur wife, ur gf, ur kids. Then one day while walking in the jungle, you saw a teddy bear. And you can see a booby trap attached to the bear, which is to say that when you touch the bear, it'll explode. Will u still take it?

Of course for normal person, they will not take it, under normal condition. But right now you are away from home and miss home badly. You are tired.. very tired... As most guys who have been thru the army knows, too shag cannot think. Perhaps I should not say cannot think but the sense and the longing for family will be overwhelming. The teddy bear represent family warmth. It represents your kids, ur wife or gf. I'm sure in this kind of situation, many will take it.

posted by Whiteaura II @ 3:56 PM 0 Comments

Often in depression, we think : "It's not fair! Why me?!" It would ease matters a little if life was more just.

A middle aged prisoner asked to see a monk after a meditation session. "I just wanted to tell you that I did not commit the crime for which I was locked up in this jail. I was innocent. I know many crims might have say the same and be lying, but I am telling you the truth. I wouldn't lie to you," the prisoner told the monk. The monk began to think how unfair this was, and wonder how he could mend this terrible injustice.

The prisoner interrupted: "But there were so many crimes where I wasn't caught that I guess it is fair."

How often is it that we do a "crime", some hurtful, spiteful act, and we are not made to suffer for it? Do we ever say "It's not fair! Why wasn't I caught?"

When we are made to suffer for no apparent reason, though, we moan, "It's not fair! Why me?" Perhaps it is fair.

posted by Whiteaura II @ 1:02 AM 0 Comments

"It's either u want or u dun want".

If u want to do something, u'll go all out for it. Even if u meet with obstacle, u'll overcome it and continue towards ur goal. If u dun want, anything can be an excuse.

For example, I set my goal to be a pilot. And therefore I try and try. And I even went to Malaysia to enroll in Private Pilot Licence just to increase my chance to get into SIA. And that increase in chance cost abt $10k. A damn expensive chance. And I even look into selling my car and getting a loan from banks to go to US to get a airline pilot licence, which I estimate will cost abt $120k.

I put on 8kg in 8 months from Oct last year to June this year and then I decide to lose weight. I tried many methods, and trying different kinds of diet pills and in 3 months, I lost 5kg.

And my Computational Biology test. I told myself that I must do well as it's my first test after 4 yrs of work. And I scored 96 out of 100.

Therefore, it's either u want or u dun want. And perhaps the most important thing is also to take self responsibility. When things dun happen the way u want it to be, dun put the blame on other things. It's easy to point fingers and then full stop. Everyone likes to blame others and not themselves. Look inside u and ask what is wrong and what u can do to make it work. Take responsibility. Just like when u want to lose weight and see someone eating Mee Goreng, dun blame them for tempting u to eat. Blame urself for being greedy.

posted by Whiteaura II @ 12:25 AM 0 Comments