Was caught in the jam on the way back from Senai to Singapore. And in the midst of the jam, I was thinking "Why am I always so unlucky when I'm in a queue? As in whichever queue I was at, the queue will be the slowest." And then, I asked myself " Did I ever remember the times when I overtook other cars?" We tend to remember the bad side of things. And we take the positive things that happen to us for granted. I took it for granted whenever my car in a queue overtook other cars in the next queue. And when I'm in the slower queue, I'll harpe and harpe over it... What about u?
After that I was exchanging sms with a fren and she told me that her mum is kinda pissing her off. She knows she's for her good but the way she's doing it is getting on her nerves. I must say, to some extent, perhaps her mum's method is wrong. But maybe she's brought up in this way and therefore thinks that's the correct way to do? We are what we are because of things that happen to us and how we interpret it. Perhaps to her mum, that's the best way to do things? Or that's the only way she knows to get things done, without knowing that she's getting on her daughter's nerves. Sometimes when we're pissed we'll show a black face. And the other party sense it and in return, continue or do even more nasty things. That's what my self fulfilling prophecy means. I do not exactly know what happen, but I hope that all things are well now. Communication is an important thing.
And for the last thing I'll going to write tonight... My grandma passed away 2 days ago. I dunno if there's something wrong with me, but I really dun feel anything. I'm not at all sad for her demise. Maybe since young, grandma is a blurry figure to me. And I only get to see her once a year, until a few years ago when she's ousted out by my uncle and lives with us. But when she's with us, I seldom talk to her too, due to my work then. And after some time, due to my parents going overseas for a few months and the maid resigning, she's put in the homes as none of her 5 sons and daughter "wanted" her. And since then, I visited her occasionally at the homes.
I must say in my 27 years of life, I never know grandma knows me. She seems a distant figure to me. Until about 3 years ago when she got into hospital. And at that time my parents were abroad and I had to "represent" my family to visit her. And that's the first time I cut banana into smaller pieces and feed her as she cannot chew. And that's the very first time, I know she knows me.
In a way, I must say that grandma had extended her life. She's diagnosed with advanced stage intestinal cancer a year ago and had an operation to remove part of her intestines. Therefore she can only excrete through a hole made in her stomach. At that time, the doctor said that she can only live for about 6 months to a year. Therefore I feel she had extended her live.
Perhaps the sadest thing is to see all the uncles fighting after grandma pass on. When she's alive, they're always biting each other, quarrelling and fighting. And to the extent of disowning one another. And now, after grandma leaves, I really wonder what will happen. Well, I can't do anything about it. And I can't control it. Just wait and see. The 6 of them just need to learn to love one another...
posted by Whiteaura II @ 1:52 AM
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