After watching "1 litre of tears", Kitou Aya became my idol. Despite at a young age when she gotten the disease, she remained so strong. I dunno if I'm as strong as her if I were her, most probably not. She perservere till the very end, writing her diary until she can't even hold a pen, questioning about life, encouraging herself to live on till the very end, and helping others.
We tend to take things for granted until they are taken away from us. To walk is a bliss, to talk is a bliss, to swallow food is a bliss, and to breath is a bliss too. I have a friend whose baby is diagnosed with Lissencephaly, a condition whereby his brain is smooth, without any folding. Eventually, he'll have problems sitting, standing, walking, swallowing and breathing. So aren't we blessed that we can sit down here to read the blog?
Watched "One Litre of Tears". The show is based on a true story about this girl who was diagnosed with Spinocerebellar Degeneration(SCD). The disease basically "eats up" her cerebellum(brain), which will cause her to lose her walking ability, speech, swallowing etc over time. This disease retains her mental capacity, but degenerate the body. It imprisons a person within their own body.
This girl writes a diary, until she could no longer holds a pen. From a normal healthy girl, she gradually loses her ability to walk, to write, to speak, to swallow- some abilities that we have taken for granted. She began to search for the meaning of her life after getting this disease.
Some words from her diary:
"Why did this disease choose me? I cannot carry it, if it's just for the word 'Fate'"
"I want to build a time machine and revisit the past. If it weren't for this disease, I might be in love. I want to cling onto someone's arm so badly."
" I really don't want to say things such as 'I want to go back to how things were before.' I recognise how I am right now, and I will continue to live on"
"Even though I have been hurt by those heartless glances, this also helped me to understand that around me, there exists some gentle glances."
"What's wrong with falling down? You can always stand up again."
"If you look up at the sky after falling down the blue sky is also today stretching limitlessly and smiles at me... I'm alive."
"Reality is too cruel, too brutal. I don't even have the right to dream. As I think about the future, the tears will come out again."
"People shouldn't dwell on the past. It's enough to try your best in all that you're doing now."
"People always say God is unfair to us. But have we been fair to ourselves?"
"Instead of pursuing things that are already lost, we might as well treasure the things we have now."
"If we always moan how clever we are used to be, it will only increase our depression."
Went to collect my phone today. At the collection centre, there is this uncle who was making a big hoo haa with regards to the repair of his phone. He was scolding the staff of the service centre for making him wait for a few hours. He was afraid that he will miss some important calls now that his phone is still not ready. He demanded for a replacement phone and the staff explained to him that it's all loaned out but he carry on kao bei(forgive my language. Can't think of any suitable words). Nobody cares about him anyway, and he carry on kao bei to the customer sitting beside him who was ignoring him completely.
The whole scene lingers in my mind.. I was thinking what's the point of kao beiing at something that he has no control of? What's the point of creating such a din to the staffs? They're just working for the company. Kao beiing gets u nowhere. It just makes him look like a joker. Rather than kao bei in the service centre, which leads to nowhere, he has 2 choice:
1) Loan a temporary phone from friend.
2) Get another phone and blacklist this brand of phone and dun buy it in future.
Isn't it more constructive than making a fool of himself?
Is there really a right and wrong? Why do we always hold on to what we perceived as right? Is it really important? So what if we are right? Does it mean we are more superior?
Sometimes it's all these perceptions that we have that lead people into quarrels, fights or even wars. Is the ego or belief more important than the relationship itself?
Watched "Enchanted" and began to wonder if fairytale exist in this world. What is reality? Is reality the environment that you see everytime u open ur eyes in the morning? Fairytale doesn't exist in reality the same way reality doesn't exist in fairytale. The story of Snow White, Cinderella ended when they are happily married. But what about after they are married? Perhaps after a few years their Prince Charming find another prettier girl kick them out of the palace. Or perhaps after the Prince became the King he was so busy that he neglect their wives and they elope with the monster that stay in the forest?
Feeling moody these days.. Can't really pinpoint the reason for that.. Maybe it's work.. Feeling the resistance... Help!!
Every meeting, be it deliberate or coincident, has a reason behind it. Some things happen, to start an event. Some things happen, to put a closure.
Love urselfI feel tat the most important thing is to love oneself. In this world, no one will care about u more than u urself. The frens ard u will not love u more than they themselves. Try asking ur frens to feed u for the rest of their lives without
condition. Will u do it for them?
Even in a relationship. There's no such things as a stable relationship. Anything can happen anytime. The so called love that u put in unconditionally may one day sink it's teeth back on u. I'm not saying that we should not put in a lot in love. But pls love urself more than u love others. It is only when u love urself that u will know how to love others.
I used to symphatise with those who got hurt. But I learnt that the more u symphatise, the more they're gg to be stucked. Everything that u say -"Yes, u r very pitiful.", "yes, he/she is wrong, he/she is at fault" will only reinforce their thinking and make them more deeply rooted to the present position. I am not a saint myself, and was deeply hurt before. And the only person who can pull them out is they themselves. By refusing to stand by them, by refuting such negative energies is perhaps better than to pity and symphatise them.
People enter our lives for a reason, season or life:
Some people came in to teach us some things. They enter for a reason.
Some people came in for a period of time, to walk us thru some hardship or to teach us some things. They enter for a season.
Some came in, and walk beside us for the rest of our lives. They enter for life.
But no one knows whether the one beside us now enters our lives for reason, season or life.
I always believe that things happen from us, not to us. Sometimes, it's because tat we do not change, that the same thing happen again and again. Some people are always the victim of a relationship, some are always "toyed", some always can't seem to find the right one etc etc.
Some people call these the law of attraction- we attract what we think, be it positive or negative. The mind cannot differentiate good or bad. It just attracts everything tat we project out.
Some call it resonance. Like the saying, birds of a feather flock together. We attract things tat are the same frequency as us, or whatever we project out.
Finally flew today, after 1 month of missing in action. Still not so bad, skills still there, although a bit rusty. Doing instrumental flight, which is wearing a hood over ur eyes so that we cannot see the front and side view from the plane. Can only see the instruments. Totally fly by instruments. The instructor guide me to line up with the runway until about 300 feet above ground when I am allowed to take off the hood and land the plane immediately!
A few more lessons and I'll be flying to Malacca!!
Was out with 2 "long lost" frens last night. It's our 2nd meeting after 2 to 3 years. Although it's only the 2nd time we meet, I dun have the kind of arkwardness. Just being myself, and enjoying the company.
Human beings are perhaps very complex creatures. The girls are talking about love. One is looking for hunky type, but very reserved, shy kind. Generally speaking, I've yet to see a shy and reserved hunk. Another is looking more for serious long term relationship and leading to marriage, but like bad boys. Isn't it a conflict in what they want?
Then they started asking me wat kind of girls I like. Can't really say it out. I believe that one can easily set a lot of "conditions" for their ideal partner, but the one who eventually sweep them off their feet is usually the one who fails to met any of the requirements. I believe it's feeling that brings 2 person together, but the logical mind to sustain it.
Watched a show, and in the show, there's this phrase:
“ 前方是绝路，转角有希望。”
Taken from Felicia Chin's Blog:
when's e last time u had a real good laugh=)
when's e last time u looked into e sky n smiled...
when's e last time u looked at yr mum n notice e few more wrinkles she has..
when's the last time u gave someone a real warm hug...
when's e last time u cooked for someone u loved..
when's e last time u gave yrself a little pat on yr back...
when's e last time u looked into e mirror and liked what u see..
when's the last time u liked yrself for who u r..
i rem losing myself in the eyes of a child..
i wanna see what they see
feel what they feel..
e innocence we hv lost..e world we sometimes forgot..
love yrself for who u r..n never forget the simple happiness we all have in us..
the first bite of ice cream..the burst of rainbow in the sky..
the first kiss we had...the one hug we miss...
we shd be happy..
A very true story about a colleague of mine:
Michael has only a "N" Level cert. Therefore after graduation, he went into the Air Force as technician. To him, it's the only place to go due to his educational qualification. He slogged for 16 years, only to reach the rank of a Master Sergeant, in which a diploma holder can easily attain the rank in less than 10 years. Due to his hard work in the force, he was conferred the best soldier for 3 consecutive years. I can clearly remember that he say "So what if I get the best soldier for 3 consecutive years? I still can't confirm that I can get my MWO?"
Due to his qualification, which is his limiting factor, even getting the award cannot guarantee him the promotion that he should deserve. His peers, who had better education qualification and started up later than him, even though did not get such prestigious award, are way beyond him in rank.
Some people are early bloomers, some late bloomers. Those who bloom too late are those who eventually "suffer" as they are limited by wat our society values most- that piece of paper. Although the life of a person should be much more than the paper chase, but it is this piece of paper that determines what we can get, what we can't get materialistically, generally.
